Decisions, decisions

So I’m having a difficult time the last few days.  I traveled to NC Tuesday night–just Madalyn and me.  We came back today (Thursday).  We traveled down to see my Mom who had to have some surgery today and is going to be on IV antibiotics again.  She is doing well but I sure do wish we had already moved down there so I could be there to help her out the next couple of weeks. 

Anyway–I had a lot of time to think about different things (12 hours in a car gives you lots of time to think!).  Our family has a lot of important decisions to make this year.  Here are a few that are running through my head: 

  • Where will we work when we move? 
  • What house will we buy? 
  • Will we homeschool Annagrace? 
  • Should I work night shift again or work day shift and try to find daycare for the kids?  How will that affect homeschooling?  Can we afford daycare for them both if I am only working part time?   
  • Do I want to work at the hospital or find a home health agency or an MD office or something outside of the hospital instead? 

Some of these thoughts were spurned today when my mom had to have surgery.  I didn’t get a good ‘feeling’ when we went to the hospital that I was thinking about applying at.  Am I wrong for wanting a nice ‘warm fuzzy feeling’ at my future place of employment?!  I realize this hospital is HUGE compared to the one I am coming from (we have under 300 beds, this hospital has close to 800) and there are many departments that are hiring nurses.  But I’m just not feeling it.  I think I want something smaller.  Something more personal.  A place where I know that the patients are the top priority and where people love their jobs.  Can I just bag up all of my co-w0rkers and take them with me?  (Come on–y’all all know you want to live near the beach!).

I just don’t know what to do.  And I’m having a hard time with worrying and not having faith that God will take care of us.  I have no idea as to why I feel that way.  He’s never let me down before so why do I doubt Him now?  I hate to say it—but I’m having a hard time trusting that He is working everything out for us in His timing.

I’m doubting myself and our decision to move.  Is this really what God wants us to do?  Or is it just my selfishness?  I think about all the good things that will come with moving–being closer to family, getting ourselves out of debt, me being able to work part time hours instead of full time, getting the chance to homeschool the girls.  And I ask myself if all these things clouded our decision to move.  Aaron is convinced that God wants us in Greenville.   Some days I am too.  Other days I am afraid that I am making too many decisions for myself and not allowing God to guide me. 

I need some alone time with God to think and pray about these things.  I am hoping that God will just give me some clear answers and ease my worries and my doubts.  God–can you just write it on a piece of paper the answer to all my questions and just float them down to me from Heaven? 

I guess it doesn’t work that way, does it?  I guess I need to pray for clarity and try to find those quiet times to spend with God so that I can have a chance to listen to Him when he does speak to me. 

Thanks to our friends who are praying for us.  It’s going to be a crazy year for our family!

2 Responses to “Decisions, decisions”

  1. 1 Melissa February 27, 2009 at 6:12 am

    Sounds a bit to me like Satan is really hitting you hard with some doubts right now. I will pray for you. I know that can be difficult. I know how hard it is to just let go and step out in faith and trust that God is going to work everything out. I know that all things will work out for you just like He has planned. Romans 8:28 But we’ll keep praying for you guys! Hope the house sells soon! I know your family is going to make a big difference for God in Greenville 🙂

    Glad your mom’s surgery went well. We’ll keep her in our prayers!

  2. 2 Melissa Bruining Teeter February 28, 2009 at 6:28 pm

    Hey Laura–

    Found your blog via Facebook.

    I can relate to how you’re feeing! I freaked out before moving to Charotte, and while I knew that’s what God wanted, the doubts were real and sometimes paralyzing. Your comments about the hospital really brought back memories! I went from RMH to the largest hospital in Charlotte. . . and everything was different. But. . . it turned out a great place to be and my unit was close-knit, despite the size. Oh, how Satan loves to attack us when we’re feeling weak. I can’t wait to hear your continued testimony of how faithful our God has been through this time. Praying that your intimacy with and dependence on God will increase! I’m freaking out, too. . .I need my faith to be multiplied as we move forward with our church plant. My whole outlook has changed from being all about me to being about His Kingdom, and it’s shaken me up a bit! Take care! Also praying for the right buyers for your house. Only takes one!!

    Melissa Teeter

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February 2009

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